Saturday, July 17, 2010
Yes, that lovely lady's been replaced with this cut and dry, matter- of -fact guy. "You are going to go in that tunnel" - he showed me the tunnel. If you feel you are passing out, squeeze this ball. He gave me a tiny rubber ball with a tube attached. " And here, take these ear plugs ...the noise may be pretty..." he made a face.
"I can hear you fine though. So.".
"Well, whatever."- Again another "attitude" face.
He leaves me. I go in the tunnel. I thank my friends who have gone through it, and were thoughtful not to scare me giving me all the strength that it's child's play... you'll be fine.
But my weakness is- I am super imaginative, easily can bring thoughts that make me cry , shiver in horror or fly in joy. So I try to bring all the images that make me fly like a kite, play with Zoe and all those darling faces blowing candles for my birthday.
Bang. bang, (Oscar the grouch banging on the garbage can thinking of a band)...HRRR... (you are now dropped into Niagara falls)... Dhata, ghata, ghata ...in enormous loudness shaking my whole brain like machine guns going on ( as if I am invited to the Iraq war or something)
I think -what if the machine fails now? How long has it been? Twenty minutes seems like eternity. I succumb myself to my fate trying to stay calm and recite "I'll be fine...I'll be fine..."
All on a sudden it stops. Utter silence. Uncomfortable stillness. Did the machine really fail and is stuck? This is really scary. But I must not squeeze the ball. I'll be brave.
Then tringa ling ling ling...goes the sound , as if I am on a tram going to my grand pa's house in Tollygung like I used to do as a kid in Calcutta.
The tram pushes me out to light.
The guy came out and said - you did good.
I knew it. There is always light at the end of a tunnel. No matter how much I am suffering soon it will pass.
I make drawings of earrings when the pain is sane, these designs are mostly extensive , extremely elaborate wire work designs,( I'll show you one day when I can sit to take pictures). My fingers laugh out loudly-" "Are you kidding? You expect me to make these some day?"
"Yes- says my brain".
"Just wait until I can sit, I'll show you "- talks back other parts of my body.