Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Promises of Blues

God has a strange way of talking to you. I'll get to that in a little while. Before that  let me answer you. I can see in my mind's eye, you all crowding around me , my dear friends, you are curiously waiting to know - How are you buddy?

I know, it's been a long time I had written.

Well, the answer to your question- good, and not so good. It's kind of strange coming from me... many of you know me as "Ms. Positive".

This time I am feeling impatient. Though I am getting better each day, the progress is way slow. It takes me at least a couple of hours to warm up in the morning. Can't do my beading for more than half an hour at a stretch, which is hard, especially as many shows are coming for the holidays.

So, what do I do all day? 70% of the time I am either on my tummy surfing the web or on my back stretched out doing exercises.

I throw out my net to see whatever catch I find in the internet ( no pun intended) and come to the conclusion that the common doctors just shut your mouth with pain killers which really do not do much to heal or solve the real problem.

So what's the cure? I look into alternative medicine and found a balm , a ball and some knowledge on "creative visualization".

I became a disciple of Sakti Gwain, befriended and became face book fans of many hot shots in this line. I became a firm believer of The Law of Attraction.

And in the process while walking in my creative visualization path I met my God.

Shh.. it is a secret. But there are some secrets you want to tell the whole world , the reason why you write as Maya Angelou had said, I have to tell you this.

She is with in me, like a tiny glowing light with all the colors of the rainbow, or a flame, that I had seen first time in the Bunsen Burner in the  Chemistry lab as a kid.

She is also like a fairy with a pixie dust wand , like a fire fly that resides in the bosom of my heart. She protects me and guides me. She is part of my mother, who has left this earth, but left this little seed for me, in me. And this is what I'll leave for my grand daughter when I am no more.

It is a hard, abstract concept to fathom, I know, dear friend. It is hard for me to explain with words. I just feel it.

Any way, now does this God or fairy of yours solve your problem?- you ask- My tiny flame with in me just smiles.

So, what am I doing these days? I write. In my head, with out a pen.

I look out side in the late afternoon, I see that the school bus is dropping the children. The new school year has started. In my empty nest there are only memories of those lovely golden afternoons.

I think of my Montessori teaching days... those fond songs that the children used to sing to get to know each other.. those Back to school nights and Open Houses.

Thank God, now I don't have to worry about getting ready in the morning to hurry, with this back, to go to teach!

The long rays of the afternoon sun kiss me tenderly on my shoulders and with all the warmth, caresses- September has come, summer is gone for the year... now the days are going to be shorter.

In this journey with pain there are times when I feel relaxed. Like, when I hear the clanks of pots and pans. Oh, so my husband is putting them in the dishwasher or unloading them. It was my job for all these years. Not that he did not know how to do them, but I was too fussy and bossy too, criticizing that it is not done the proper way ( meaning my way!)

Now I don't care any more. I know that I am not indispensable.

A bunch of blue flowers greet me. They whisper the loveliness of life.

I come back to my work shop that I call STUDIO and hunt for my bead tray. The fluorite chips with its rainbow hue agree what the blue flowers had whispered. The indigo pearls promise good luck and the tiny seed beads giggle and nod - of course life is lovely. Its delicious. Crunchy!

I name this piece - "The Promise of Blues"

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