Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Who Am I

I was trying to write "My Profile".

There was a time when I was known as- so and so's daughter. Then, I was Mrs....-so and so's wife. Even the last half of my name was chopped off and replaced by some unknown family link. Then I was recognized as so and so's mother, which went for awhile - a decade and a half.

Now I pause to think -who is this "Me" person really, that I am supposed to write a referral for?

What are the values that I cared for most, that I carry on in my daily living? Or, are they just big, pompous hollow word in my wish list.

I wanna be ...

Is it the same person who greets me every morning at the mirror?

I remember the day when in college we had to write about our values. We had to cherry pick only five qualities that we value most out of a list of hundred wonderful character traits. They were all super qualities- like honesty, sincerity,punctuality, artistic ability, popularity, beauty...etc.

I wondered why couldn't I choose all? Why only five?

Do I remember those five now, twenty five years later?

I think I can remember ... sincerity, art and the ability to love...

No, I don't remember the rest. Now I know why they asked to choose only five!

Of course I should have chosen slimness, money, intelligence... but no I was confused and I did not choose them.

I have a quote in my "studio" It says - "Art washes away from the soul the dust of every day life." by Picasso.

Isn't it beautiful?

In this vein I remember another event. I was a child then. I went to a very humble house in rural India with my dad. It was a mud hut. But in the entrance there was a beautiful design drawn right at the door step. It is called an alpana The design was drawn with simple rice paste, grinding rice added with water and the finger tips were only used. No other tools were involved.

At the end of the day most of it was gone, faded with foot steps and the wind.

I commented "What's the point in taking so much trouble to make such a beautiful thing when it's life is so short?"

The lady was shocked. "It's a welcome design. Shouldn't I do it? I'll make it again tomorrow. It doesn't matter if it doesn't stay forever."

What stays forever? Really!

Have you ever seen the Sufi monks dance? They go round and round with their limbs stretched out. One palm stretched up to the sky, the other one points downwards to the ground,as if they want to say -

Oh Almighty, Omnibus -make me thy messenger. Give me your omnipotent power and through me let it be passed to the next generation, to the world.

Bestow thy grace and blessings on me so that I may carry it to my fellow brothers and sisters. Make me selfless and let me forget my ego.

Yesterday I found a couple of Chevron beads in my bead box. These beads used to be traded in the slave industry. Buy human beings trading these beads! It gives me a chill. It used to be produced only by the glass artists of Italy.

Now they are made in China too probably! I got them in a small shop in San Luis Obispo. At least they looked just like the picture that I had seen in the wikipedia for Chevron beads.

I made a pair of earrings with them and now I am in the process of making a matching necklace integrating those colors.


pdkamath said...

I liked your musings.

sakti said...

Your blog narrations are exquisite just like your alankar pieces. But then you are a writer at the core. I am specially happy to see sense of peace and contentment in doing the blog. Love - Saktida

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